Central perk

There are two foods in the world which evoke a sense of great disappointment in me: coffee and bacon. The reason? They both smell amazing. They seduce my olfactory senses but when it comes to getting down to it, it falls so short, it is a shattering letdown. It’s like believing that the sex you see on porn sites is actually what you get in real life.

I have yet to find bacon which makes the earth move for me. However, last week, I was floored by a coffee which seduced me so naturally, that my life will never be the same again. I am not a coffee drinker, but I hereby swear, if I ever drink coffee, it will always be an illy.

It started innocently enough with an interview for a trade publication with the top man of a fine foods company. The company is also the sole representative of illy coffee in Malaysia. Illy is an Italian coffee which many consider the finest in the world. It is made of 100 percent Arabica and roasted in a patented process.

I was offered an illy cappuccino by the marketing manager of the company and I lifted it to my lips as a courtesy, fully intending to mime a sip and then leave it untouched. However, something amazing happened that day. A lovely aroma weaved its way from nose hairs to synapse and something in a sleeping part of my brain was triggered. It led to a tentative sip, and at the caress of the velvety foam, I dared drink deeper, breaking through the froth and expecting the acrid sourness I come to associate with coffee.

What I got was a delicate coating of the lining of my mouth which made me think of really good truffles, of velvety mascarpone, and butterscotch. I could not believe my taste buds. I was drinking coffee. It was not because I needed a buzz or a sleepless night. I was actually drinking it out of enjoyment; willingly.

I was amazed. I remember how Kit’s Uncle James, who owns what I think is the best Nyonya restaurant in the capital, Sri Nyonya, used to try to strong-arm me into having a cup of coffee after dinner at his place. I refused as consistently as he asked, not understanding how his coffee would have been any different from the stinkers I’ve had. Now I recall that his coffee was illy!

My first illy was so addictive I craved more coffee. I would have gone for some ice blended concoction at the nearest coffee chain, had it not been for Kit pointing out that a coffee at 4pm was a sure guarantee of insomnia for me.

Thankfully I did not need to wait very long for my second cup of illy. The follow-up to my interview with the beverage company was an invitation to attend Universita Del Caffe Della Malesia – UDC Malaysia in short. You can read about the university on www.udcmalaysia.com.my.

Illy founded UDC in 1999 in Trieste, Italy in order to help people appreciate coffee better. It offers courses for the recreational coffee enthusiast to Master Barista classes for those who make the business of coffee their lives.

In Malaysia, two to three day courses at UDC can begin from RM1,000. It is considered cheap, because the equivalent in Euros is almost double. I got to sit in on the class gratis.
I did not think I’d enjoy going back to school again, but this was one of the most enjoyable technical talks/courses I’ve ever attended. It helped that I really liked Evelyn Lee of Classic Coffee & Beverage Sdn Bhd, who was the maker of my first illy cappuccino, and tour guide to UDC. But if that was all, I would not have sat through a lecture of the perfect espresso by a guy who was clearly English linguistically challenged. Normally when then that happens and when ‘hope’ is pronounced ‘hop’, I try to hightail it out of anywhere. I do the same when radical Christians begin turning a simple grace before meals into a praise and worship session, as well!

However, it was so clear that these guys were passionate about their jobs and coffee. It exuded from them the way the smell of fresh coffee trails around you invitingly when you walk the dog around McDonalds at breakfast time.

I was introduced to certified barista Goh Chee Wan after the first Coffee 101 session. He’s one of these guys to whom English comes hard, and he knows he’s not very good at it, and it makes him uncomfortable. But put him in front of a coffee machine and he becomes a master seducer. He is so sure among the tools of his trade. His fingers dance from cup to coffee press to grinder and boiler. He is in his element and he makes Tom Cruise in Cocktail look like a third class circus juggler.

Some bunny loves you - and I love illy!

He presented Kit and I with cappuccinos. I was hesitant, afraid I remembered my first experience wrongly, but again, at first sip, the heavens opened and I knew this was no fluke. This is the beginning of something addictive. When Evelyn shared that Goh was one of the finest milk artists she’d met, and that he could draw anything from a Red Indian to a teddy bear, I just about squealed and demanded something other than the heart and fern he decorated Kit and my cups with. The darling man obliged and I got a bunny and the cutest pig. Eye candy and great mouth feel, wow!

A porker in the cup beats a pig in the blanket any day.

When shots are better than Hooters, you know its an illy espresso.

Barista and trainer Keith Chee during the Perfect Espresso class.

Can you spot the perfect espresso?

During the espresso class I learnt that the perfect espresso is 7 grams or 0.25 ounces. It is made with water heated to 90 degree Celsius with five seconds percolation time. A great espresso is to have characteristics of caramel, chocolate, floral, fruit, walnut, toast, spice, cereal/malt and tobacco. ALL in one cup.

Heavy metal - some of the tools of the illy trade.

Participants in the courses get real hands on training and I came to appreciate just how much work goes into becoming a great barista. Even with machines to do part of the process, the human element is the part that shapes the perfect espresso. Watching the participants try and fail, I realize how much Malaysia needs great baristas. Half a day at UDC and I am in awe at the far sightedness of Signor Ernesto Illy. If I spend more time there, I’m convinced I’ll come away with my own illy machine.

So. There used to be two foods which evoked a great sense of disappointment in me. Now if only some perception altering bacon will come along...